It's been too long.

In the past couple of months my life has been nothing sure of a roller coaster that you should prepare for by taking some Dramamine. But, I have no desire to get into all of the little set backs, because when you loose something very important to you, those things all become a blur and none of that matters anymore.

 On December 26th my grandmother, Bernice Manfra, passed away at the age of 88. Seeing her dealing with the dementia over the pass couple of years and it worsting over the past month after she broke her hip was so difficult. I am happy she is finally out of pain and she can be with my pop-pop. Dementia is such a horrible disease. Looking into someones eyes and seeing nothing but a blank stare is heart breaking. Reverting to a child-like manner when you've lived a dignified life is so tragic. My words are jumbling and I can't think clearly right now. Though I believe my shock has subsided for the most part, I still can not grasp the idea of her not being here and more. I've never in my adult life dealt with any of this before, how does the human mind process someone permanently leaving this world? Maybe I think to much, but I just can't wrap my mind around it.

Tomorrow is the viewing, followed by the funeral on Monday. I'm not sure how I will react, but the idea of seeing her laying in an open casket....just the idea of it mortifies me.  I will have to be strong though, I need to make sure my mom is okay. I couldn't imagine loosing my mother...but I just have to remind myself and her, that the person who was laying there in a hospital bed wasn't my mom-mom, she left awhile ago. Now she can finally rest in peace.

Death is really such a heavy subject, it seems to bizarre to me now going through this now as an adult, that your world can be crashing down around you, but everyone's life continues to move on as normal. It feels insensitive in an absurd way. I don't know what I am trying to say... I'm just vocalizing my thoughts out loud I suppose.

I just need to remember to breathe and everything will be alright.